We’ve been talking about relationships in my coach training and it’s hit me how alone I feel at times. It’s hit me harder how much I perpetuate that. I’ve cut out family, friends, and previous colleagues from my life in an effort to protect my energy, with this conspicuous undertone of something being wrong with them. But as this pattern has continued to repeat itself over the years, I can’t deny the common denominator: me.
Nothing was working. I forgot everything I'd learned. I was clunky in the water. My breathing was out of wack. I wanted to quit. I considered cancelling my upcoming lesson due to my regress rather than progress. The thought of actually completing the (open-water Atlantic Ocean) swim part of this race became more and more of a pipe dream in my head. And then it hit me.
This revealed my blind spot. Her question to me was about progress, but all I was focused on was my end goals and the way in which I was straying from plan. Anything outside of my plan meant I wasn’t progressing, resulting in all those weighted shoulds feeling hella heavy.
I shared the experience with a friend after the event, to which he quoted Matthew 18:20. “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” It reminded me that nothing happens by accident, and that, once again, there is a plan at work that I am not privy to.