Despite It All

Dear Strong Woman,

There is a big thing I’m leaving behind as I embrace by 36th lap:

QUALIFIERS. In particular, ones attached to my worth.

I used to subscribe to the personal narrative that I am an amazing woman despite it all. It’s the thing I imagine loved ones would say years down the road at my funeral: “Damn, she really was a gift despite the hands she was dealt.” “She was amazing even with all she endured.” …😟😖😬

It took me admitting that out loud to realize that, while I have been living and creating this amazing life, I’ve been collecting all of the ingredients for a top notch pity party.

I convinced myself my “despite it all” was a part of me. Those things happened! They made me stronger, wiser, more compassionate - qualities I admire about myself. I didn’t realize how I’d subconsciously grown attached to those scenarios because I knew how to thrive there. 🤯

So I’m dropping the qualifier moving forward. I am an amazing woman. Period. That’s it. I don’t need to carry (lingering shame, trauma wounds, etc) or create (repeat toxic patterns) shitty scenarios in my life to elevate myself. In fact, if I cut that all out, I soar even higher.

This jogs a memory: a few years ago, Cleo spoke to me through a meditation. She was a bird flying around and I kept trying to grab her to hold her. She flew higher and higher just out of my reach and said repeatedly, “Higher, baby girl. It’s up here.”

I get it now. Like feel-it-in-my-bones get it. And those two words will be my lighthouse for 36 and beyond: “Up here.”

Sharing (as always) in case it supports someone to hear my process, as well as to demonstrate that I will forever be a student of transformative work. I am a human being first and foremost and I am alive! The work continues until that aforementioned funeral takes place.

As you do your end-of-year reflections, check in on your own personal narrative. Not the thing you WANT people to say at your funeral, but the thing you think they WILL say. If the will and want don’t match, there’s some work to do there.

(You know I’m always here to help. 🙋🏼‍♀️)

Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes today. I hope you choose to hang out “up here” with me in the coming year. ♥️